Emotional Availability Test: Are you truly open to connection?

We often think of "availability" as simply being physically present. But have you ever sat next to someone and felt miles away? Or perhaps you are the one who feels a sudden urge to shut down or "check out" when a conversation gets too heavy?

Emotional availability is the hidden current that determines whether a relationship feels like a struggle or a sanctuary. It is the capacity to share your own inner world while remaining receptive to someone else’s. This test is designed to help you see your own patterns—not to judge them, but to understand the logic behind why you connect (or protect) the way you do.

How can this Emotional Availability Test help you?

This assessment is not a medical diagnosis; it is a mirror. By taking 7 minutes to reflect on your default reactions, you can gain:

• Clarity on "Hot and Cold" dynamics: Understand why you might crave closeness one moment and feel suffocated the next.
• Validation of your "Mental Load": See how much energy you might be spending on suppressing your feelings or managing others'.
• A Language for your Needs: Learn the vocabulary to explain to a partner why you shut down or why you feel anxious.

What is the Emotional Availability Test about?

The Core Concept

At its heart, this test measures two vital flows of connection:

1. Input (Receptivity): Can you sit with someone else's pain or joy without trying to "fix" it or flee?
2. Output (Self-Disclosure): Can you lower your own drawbridge and let someone see your true feelings, even the messy ones?

Questions you might be asking yourself

• "Why do I feel drained whenever my partner wants to 'talk'?"
• "Why do I feel like I'm doing all the emotional work in this relationship?"
• "Am I actually independent, or am I just avoiding intimacy?"

How is this test designed?

Theory and measurement foundations

This assessment draws inspiration from the pioneering work of Dr. Zeynep Biringen (Emotional Availability Scales) and Attachment Theory. It adapts clinical observations of "dyadic connection" into a self-reflective format for adults, focusing on the quality of emotional exchange rather than just personality traits.

Which dimensions does this test look at?

• Emotional Self-Disclosure: Your willingness to be vulnerable, use "I" statements, and share your internal world without hostility.
• Emotional Receptivity: Your ability to accurately read non-verbal cues and remain present during your partner's distress.

How does this test work in practice?

Number of items and approximate time

• 20 Questions
• Time: Approximately 7 minutes.

How to answer

Tip: Answer based on your instinctive reaction, not how you "wish" you would act. If you usually withdraw during a fight but wish you stayed, answer based on the withdrawal. Honesty yields the most useful results.

How do we calculate your results?

We use a 7-point scale to measure the intensity of your responses. Your total score maps your "connection style" onto a spectrum ranging from highly open/secure to highly self-protective/detached.

Who is this test for?

This test is especially helpful if you:

• Are currently in a relationship and feeling "stuck."
• Are single and want to understand why previous relationships fizzled out.
• Want to improve your emotional intelligence (EQ) in friendships or family dynamics.

Please consider seeking professional help instead if:

• You are currently in a crisis or an abusive relationship.
• You feel unable to cope with daily life due to severe anxiety or depression.

What will you see in your results? (Preview)

We don't just give you a number; we provide a narrative that explains why you act the way you do. Your result will fall into one of three primary patterns:

1. Emotionally Available

   • The Pattern: You act as a "secure base." You are comfortable with vulnerability and can handle others' emotions without losing yourself.
   • The Focus: Maintaining boundaries so you don't burn out from being too available.

2. Guarded / Inconsistent

   • The Pattern: Often called "Complicated," you value connection but keep one foot on the brake. You might be a great listener but struggle to share your own needs, leading to mixed signals.
   • The Focus: Learning that it is safe to take up space.

3. Detached

   • The Pattern: You prioritize self-reliance and safety. You likely view emotions as draining or unpredictable and prefer to solve problems logically and alone.
   • The Focus: Gently bridging the gap from "safe isolation" to trusted connection.

Every result page includes specific Strengths, Common Pitfalls, and Actionable Steps to help you move forward.

What can you do with your results?

Treat the result as a mirror, not a verdict

Your score is not a character flaw; it is a habit. Many of us learned to be "Detached" or "Guarded" because it was the safest way to survive in the past. This test is simply checking if that armor is still serving you today.

Small actions and longer-term directions

Whether you want to learn how to "stay in the room" during conflict or how to express a need without sarcasm, your result page will offer 3–4 concrete exercises you can try immediately.

References & further reading

• The Emotional Availability (EA) Scales – The official academic framework by Dr. Zeynep Biringen.
  https://emotionalavailability.com/
• The Gottman Institute: Emotional Connection – Research on emotional attunement in couples.
  https://www.gottman.com/blog/relationship-emotional-connection/
• Signs of Emotional Unavailability – Psychological perspectives on barriers to intimacy.
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/202405/3-surprising-signs-emotional-unavailability

Disclaimer

The content provided by this Emotional Availability Test is for educational and informational purposes only. It suggests behavioral patterns based on self-reported data and does not constitute a clinical diagnosis, medical advice, or professional psychological evaluation. If you are experiencing significant relationship distress, anxiety, or mental health challenges, please consult a licensed therapist or counselor.